They Call Us the Fat Americans

They are very civilized here in Europe. Not only are they civilized, but they are slender and healthy. In Canada it’s not uncommon to see a couple people at the mall or in the street that are secretly being filmed from the neck down by Global Television for a special on obesity rates in the country.

The other day we did a not so classy, North American style thing that probably made the sharp dressed Europeans watching us from the bar spit-take their Belgian Beers and proceed mumble things about hating tourists.

We were wandering downtown, constantly in search of a good cup of coffee and a bakery and stumbled upon a cute little bakery with Speculoos flavoured cheesecake (If you don’t know what Speculoos is, please look it up. It is the reason I am returning to Canada 300 pounds heavier.) We hadn’t eaten in a long time, and we panicked. We were taken prisoner to the promise of coffee and got lost in the sweet smelling haze of freshly baked goods as we eyed the sample tray in front of the till. There were no seats left for five in the bakery so in our distressed state we ordered a full Speculoos cheesecake, three espressos and five forks to go. We made for the statue of naked babies surrounding someone who we’ve never heard of and sat at the base of it, drool running off of our chins as we stared at the Belgian miracle that lay before us. We looked like a pack of lions that had just taken down a baby zebra and were deciding which part of the body to eat first. (Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but you need to know how un-classy this looked) After the initial bites we stopped to look around at all of the civilized human beings drinking their lattes under patio umbrellas, discussing politics and wearing pantyhose. We were a North American nightmare, and I’m sure people were judging us like they’ve never judged people before. There were hobos sitting on either side of us, we really didn’t look good. The next few bites were taken sheepishly as I looked at my small espresso trying not to wish it was at least a grande size.

I have been Americanized, and all I want to be now is European. Portion control, bikes everywhere, and taking the time to sit and enjoy each other’s company while drinking a cup of coffee rather than always having to drink it ‘to go’. That’s the way things should be done. Life's to short to drink out of paper cups, sometimes you've gotta take the time to take a seat and put your mouth on some ceramic for once.

Even noticing the way people greet each other here, everything is so formal and classy looking; a kiss on each cheek, just to say “Hey, I recognize your presence here, it’s good to see you”. Even the punk teenagers I would hang out with if I lived here do it. Just lovely.

So today, as we went to visit the Ghent Music Festival (again, classy and cultured. We heard opera, brass bands, and accordions. So sophisticated. ) we decided to do things up right. We stopped at the bar by the canal, enjoyed some music, and had coffee delivered to us on silver trays with a complimentary cookie. We regained our dignity and did Canada proud (or America, or Great Britain, or whatever nationality they thought we were. The locals here get confused and can’t really tell the difference).

So here’s my message to you, dear friends. If you are travelling, or staying at home, do your best to keep it clean, keep it civilized and do your homeland proud!

Stay classy, Canada! ;)