Home

Well, today was the day.  We woke up for sunrise and spent the entire day on the beach and in the waves! There was sunshine all morning, and great body boarding waves all afternoon. It couldn’t have been a better day to say goodbye to this country and this area that I’ve come to know and love. 

I’m thinking that this will be my last blog entry, which is a little sad because I’ve had such great fun writing it and keeping you all up to date on the amazing happenings of a family on sabbatical, but at the same time, I know the writing doesn’t have to stop here. There’s so much more that will come out of these experiences when I get home, and when you guys get sick of hearing my stories I’ve got a pen and paper that will soak ‘em all up! There’s so much that I’m worried I didn’t write down, so much that I’ll forget, so much that I didn’t notice, and so much that I didn’t take for all that it was. Despite all of my worries I’m beyond excited to go home and see how my new found knowledge, love for people, and ideas on the world change the kind of person I am back home at school and in my city.

South Africa was so different from Europe, not only in culture and in geography, but in people too. We were able to build relationships with so many wonderful people, and that’s the bittersweet part about saying goodbye. The people we’ve met here will stay in my heart forever, and I don’t think they realize what an impact they’ve made on my life. The love and compassion of the health team, Karen’s simple gestures of love, Zulu prayers of boys that brought rooms to tears and people to their feet, every child without shoes, young men who are the future of their community, the joy of Zulu dances, little black fingers holding my white ones…  Just moments, and things people did, and things that I saw that changed my life. I don’t think the people at the Seed of Hope understand how much of a difference they’ve made. The kids don’t understand how much I loved having them play with my hair or teach me songs, and the staff don’t understand how their selfless work and love has changed my idea of the person I want to be. There are so many people who I won’t forget and who I hope to see again someday, thriving and changing their community, country and world one day at a time. In the end, I wasn’t there to help them, they were there to help me become a better person.

There is so much love here, and I pray that I’ll be able to carry this South African love home with me and share it with the people in my own community. If there’s one thing that South Africa has taught me it’s that we’re all people, and the more love you show towards others the better. No matter their race, age, gender, social or HIV status… Just love.

I’ll think about my Seed of Hope family every day as I wake up to the snow in these next few weeks, and many days after that I’m sure. These brave, strong, beautiful kids will be framed on my wall and kept in my heart as I go home and regain a certain normalcy in my life. Sezwe, and Sannelisiwe and all of the lovely girls who held my hands and did my hair, they won’t soon be forgotten.

‘Home’ by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes is my favourite song ever (I swear I’ll walk down the aisle to it someday) probably the theme song for the trip, and quite an appropriate song for the place I'm heading tomorrow... Home. I’ve heard Lauren hum it many a time, Adam has the whistling part down pat, and I’m convinced that mum and dad could even sing a couple lines if they tried. “Home is wherever I’m with you” was right, as I traveled with my family and we set up little “homes” everywhere we went. As I’ve traveled, my homes have expanded. I had homes back home at camp and in Calgary, then I felt like I had a home in Paris, with the language, history, architecture and writers that I love, but now I feel like I have a home here in South Africa because of the people who I’ve grown to love so dearly. I’ll miss them every day, as I head back to my true home, in the ice and snow.

The pang in my chest and the tears in my eyes are telling me it’s time to wrap it up and finish packing.

Thanks to all you lovely folk for keeping up with my blog over these four months. Can’t hardly wait to see you all.

xo

Alanna

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHEOF_rcND8&ob=av2e

December

People sometimes hurt in December. Lost loved ones are missed, the pressure is on to finish the semester of school, families struggle financially, loneliness becomes harder to ignore, cars get stuck in snow, and passports get held at borders and people don’t make it home for the holidays. Although department store Santa’s and eggnog market Christmas and it’s month as a time for cheer, it sometimes doesn’t happen.

This month so far has been a rough one for the community of Bhekulwandle, as another young life was taken on December 4^th, the day after Cebo Xulu’s funeral. A little 6-year-old boy, who had attended the Christmas party at the Seed of Hope earlier that day, was hit and killed by a car. It’s so sad to think of a little boy, who had just had a fun day with his friends, gotten a new toy, and had a bright pink popsicle in his tummy, could have it all taken away from him so quickly. That same weekend, the mother-in-law of one of the Simunye teachers past away suddenly. There’s so much loss in this community, and it’s heartbreaking. With AIDS, hate, accidents and poverty, people are dying every day in the Toti area, and loss begins to feel less like loss and like something much more ordinary. December is proving to bring much pain to Bhekulwandle this year, and it just proves that things are rough all over.

Sometimes I think that when I get home, nothing will seem like a problem to me. All of the things I used to worry about seem like trifles when I’m here. I have to read the back of Portia de Rossi’s autobiography, or PostSecret to remind myself that we have problems in North America too, just different ones.


Yesterday was Karen’s final going away party with the community and the staff from the center, and it was beautiful. Mum, Adam and I (Dad and Lauren are currently at the Women’s Softball Championships in Cape Town, lucky ducks!) went and helped set up as well as attended the party, and spent what was most likely our last afternoon at the Seed of Hope. The crowd Karen attracted was quite impressive, and the Simunye room was packed tight with people from the community, young and old. There was beautiful singing, and many stories and poems about Karen that were so touching I’m pretty sure I had goosebumps for the full 3 hours. Karen just really poured her entire heart into the community, a community that wasn’t even her own, and it was so awe-inspiring to see the effect it had on the people of Bhekulwandle. There were many tears of sadness shed over Karen’s leaving, but also so many tears brought on by thankfulness for the influence she had on people. One of the main things that Karen did was just being there for people. Karen was there for the sick with prayer, love and rides to the hospital, and she was there for the youth of the community by teaching them how to be leaders, how to believe in themselves, and how to set good examples for future generations. She gave all that she had, her time and her car and it made such a difference in the community and in people. It was amazing to see what an impact those things made on the people of the township, and I pray that she has inspired them to be there for each other and make a difference in Bhekulwandle as she has.
If I can apply the same loving spirit that Karen has when I get home, even in my home town, it could make a difference. Showing people that they are individuals of value and putting other people before myself is something I’ll strive to do more of, all because of Karen.

Something else that I noticed at the party was that Karen receives something out of her work that many (especially in North America) don’t, and that is seeing that your life is making a difference in the world. And yes, if you’re a believer in the butterfly effect, your life is changing the world in whatever small way it can, but you can’t see it. You could see Karen’s difference in the fresh-faced, confident, capable youth of her Live Out Loud program, and in the old gogos who are raising six children by themselves and had received Karen’s love and caring. As a result, Karen is so wealthy with love, friendship, and appreciation, and seeing that made me reassess what I really wanted from life. In my ‘Canadian Dream’ I had always dreamt of success. Be it a go-getting journalist, or an organized and talented film producer, I knew I wanted to do something that I enjoyed, and that would allow me to drive a cute car and shop at Anthropologie on a regular basis. Just another romantic idea about how fun and easy my life should be. And as much fun as having a downtown apartment, and iPhone, and a bi-weekly pedicure would be awesome, it’s not the kind of wealth that makes you feel like your existence has been beneficial for the world.

Being in South Africa, and even in reading some Hemingway, I’m starting to see the beauty in a life lived for others. I’ve seen through so many people that happiness isn’t based on the size of your house or the type of car you drive (although functioning cars would be nice… cars break down on a weekly basis down here). There’s something romantic about living with the essentials, being content with having all you need and decreasing the amount of things you want, and just loving people. Opening your home to people who need it, mentoring people, encouraging them and showing them their worth… It’s a lovely thought and however impossible it seems, someday someone will write a biography on Derek Liebenberg and you’ll see how it can be done.
This realization about spiritual wealth is making me wonder what I can do with my life in order to achieve it someday. I truly believe that writing can make a difference, as I can list off a couple dozen books, articles and poems that have changed my life. But change from behind a type writer is not as personal as one might like. Whatever I do, I will strive to let all that I do be done in love and try to give my time and my life to people who will benefit from it.

Thank you a million times, Karen for the difference you have made and have yet to make in so many lives. We wish you all the best and we love you!

Only 8 days until we’re home and I’m still torn. I love this country, and the people I’ve met here, and would stay here as long as I was useful if I could, but I can’t. There’s much for me to do in the ice and snow of the city that first stole my heart; there are people to love, things to create, stories to tell, classes to pass, changes to make, goals to meet, coffee dates to be had, things to be said, and experiences to have in my home town using the knowledge and perspective I’ve acquired on this trip. It’ll all be very exciting. Things will definitely be different when I get home, which will take some getting used to (who would have thought life back home would go on without me?), but I’m excited to see how things have changed, and to see how I’ve changed in relation to home while I’ve been away.

So we’re gonna live it up in our last week here, soak up the sun (please no more rain!), see some sights, and prepare ourselves for home.

xo

Lil ‘Lanna

Christmas and the Gorge

We've had a busy couple of days, but it's been so fun!

Yesterday was the big Christmas party, and it was everything I could have wished it would be. The sun was shining, the Simunye room was decorated, all of the games supplies were set up in time, and even though the date had to be changed to a Sunday, there was an awesome turn out! My parachute station turned to sheer chaos from the start. I had all of these great clever games planned out, but with a language barrier, and short attention spans, my games quickly turned into throwing a bunch of play pit balls onto the parachute and flinging them off. The kids loved it and so did I, and it was a colourful, beautiful, mess.

The day was filled with singing, and food, and presentations, and dancing, and games, and a visit from "Father Christmas", and presents! Watching the kids open their presents was fun because they were so excited and it was cool seeing the presents we helped pick out and wrap be put towards such great joy.

It was also a little bit of a sad day, because since the SOH is being closed for the summer over here, I most likely wont see these kids again. It's been so amazing getting to know them, and having them give me hugs, or teach me Zulu words, or ask for pushes on the swing. They're all such sweet kids, and I hope they'll keep their friends and knowledge they've acquired at the Seed with them the rest of their lives so that they can become amazing leaders in their community and their country. Saying goodbye was a teary affair, and I hope that when I come back someday I'll get to see some of these kids all grown up and awesome. I'm already planning a trip back and I CAN'T WAIT! I love this place and these people.

Immediately after the party, we packed up for an overnighter to Oribi Gorge with Heather, Caleb, and her friends Joe, Judy and their son Israel, who Caleb calls "Baby", which is pretty adorable. We braaied last night, and played lots of tag and hide and go seek with the boys. Caleb is hilarious, and his accent makes it only more so! He's always finding little creatures and showing them off. "Look he-ah, Baby! It's a caterpillar!" Haha he's always good for a laugh and a frog sighting.

This morning we went on a hike along a river, and amongst many awesome things, we saw crazy plants. bugs, rapids, trees and a dead mongoose! The weather was awesome, and it gave me a chance to justify the runners I brought along with 12 other pairs of shoes on this trip, so that was good! We drove around a game park and saw lots of giraffes, impala, wildebeest, and zebras, and then had a picnic lunch. We then drove along possibly the bumpiest, dirtiest excuse for a road I've ever seen to get to a suspension bridge that crossed the gorge. It was pretty scary to walk across, but so fun at the same time, and Lauren (who's super afraid of heights and normal bridges) even went across! So proud!

It's been a fun two days, but I'm exhausted and ready for sleep and some down time this week.

2 weeks 'til we're home. Wild.

xo

Alanna

Musa MCing the presentation (can you find me? one of these things is not like the other...)

One of my favourite boys with his present. He's so sweet. :)

I'm going to miss my friends!

The whole gang on the hike!

Caleb and I

Dad, Adam and I on the suspension bridge.

16 Days: Fragments from South Africa

I just finished A Moveable Feast, and Hemingway just writes in interesting, but mostly unrelated chapters, so this is what this will be. I feel like I haven’t written as many blog posts from SA, and I think it’s just because so much has happened, and I’m only beginning to process little pieces of it. So here are some of those partially processed pieces.

How can it be that there are only 16 days until we’re home? I have a pit in my stomach just thinking about the cold of Calgary and actually having to make school a number one priority. To be honest, I’m surprised at how much I love South Africa and don’t want to go home. I’ve always fancied myself a Europe girl, and I think I am, but I also love so much about this place. The sun, the people, the history, the ocean, the languages and the singing are all amazing and I will miss them dearly.

If you’ve been reading my family’s blog, you’ll know that last week was a rough week. There was the hoe visit, and the little boy Sezwe who touched us, but gave us heavy hearts for the children of this community and this country. Then, on the 24^th, we received the news that a boy in the community, well known by the Seed of Hope staff was stabbed to death the day before on his 18^th birthday. It broke our hearts all over again, and the staff and even some of the kids who knew him were pretty shook up. So many of these young men aren’t making it past 25 because of all of the hate and violence that goes on in these communities. It’s not just HIV that’s killing people here, its hate. I look at the teens in Musa’s after school class, and the little boys on the playground, and I hope that the center has touched them in a way that will cause them to live in a way that is different than the example that has been set for them by the older boys in the community. I pray for the boys every day, and hope that their generation will be a strong one that will be a shining light in their community.

The young people I’ve met at the Seed are amazing. They’re so much fun, and so full of life and energy, and I hope they put their whole hearts into doing something amazing with their lives. In Musa’s class one day when the team was here he had us all go up one by one and take questions about ourselves from the class. For the common question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” many of them answered things like doctors or lawyers, and it made me sad because even for me, someone saving money for post-secondary, with decent marks in school and determination, those jobs seem like a lot of work to attain. Kids from Bhekulwandle aren’t going to have the resources to follow their dreams, whatever they may be and it makes me so sad. With my own graduation fast approaching, I still have no idea what I want to do or how I’ll get there, but no matter what I do, I’ll be able to have the resources to support myself and live comfortably my entire life, which unfortunately, might not be the case for many of these future adults that I see every day. These kids have such awesome spirits, and the people at the Seed of Hope are teaching them well, so I hope they make it.

Last week was the last week of children’s programs, which was sad because we’ve loved getting to know the kids and play with them every day. I’ve become good friends with some of the girls, and they have fun playing with and braiding my hair, while I try not to cry and remind them that my hair is in fact attached to my scalp. The girls are so fun, and I have a couple who will come hold my hand, or turn over my arm to trace the veins in my wrist, or play with my arm hair (they don’t have any, and they’re totally weirded out by it). I’ve also really enjoyed getting to know the 11-15 year olds in Musa’s after school class. They’re such a solid group of kids, and they choose to use their own time to come to this class to learn life skills, which is cool to me, because back home, no kid would ever do that. My guess is that it’s not really the “cool thing” to do here either, so that just makes them coming all the more awesome in my eyes. They genuinely respect Musa, and want to improve their English and their futures through coming to the classes. I guess the thing I find the coolest is the fact that they’re such great friends, and I hope that they can stick together and hold one another accountable for the things they’ve learned and just be a new generation of youth and eventually young adults in Bhekulwandle. They inspire me, and I hope that they’ll do the best they can with what they have someday.  

Tonight while Adam and Lauren went to a youth dinner with our friends Jeremy and Abby, me, mum, dad, Heather and Dan went for dinner at the Galleria Mall. I love listening to Seed of Hope talk that is too mature for me, because I get an inside scoop and I’m constantly taking mental notes, and when it’s appropriate written notes, in order to remember crazy facts and pieces of South African culture that are so interesting to me. (Derek’s dad Abe called me a “Culture Vulture” once and I love it, because I’m truly loving seeing different cultures on this trip) Heather is full of stories about when the Seed started, and of the things her and Derek did in Calgary, and about all of the amazing people they’ve met. Although I only knew Derek when I was very young, it makes me wish he was here to see my parents and their family in Africa, and laugh at our Westernness and take us on wild adventures. He is dearly missed every day, but continues to be an inspiration to so many, and he lives on through his legacy in the community, and through his son Caleb.

This week flew by so fast, and it was full of school and Christmas party prep. I’m beyond excited for the long awaited party. We decorated the center today, and I got assigned the much coveted position of being in charge of the parachute games, SCORE! It’ll be fun, and I’m excited to see the kids again after a week of having to hang out with adults. I’m not mature enough for that…

So yes, 16 days left and it’s stressing me out. On one hand I’m excited. There are so many dear friends back home that I’ll be overjoyed to see, and then it’ll be Christmas, and everyone will be jolly and happy and together… So that’ll be fun until January and the cold, home schooling, everyday life of Calgary will settle in along with a crippling depression.

So I’m gonna live these last days up!!!

xo

Alanna

Adam and I doing some Christmas prep.